EI: Imagination is Life
‘You may say I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one,
I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will be as one.’
~ John Lennon, Imagine
Light-filled Opportunity
Having wisdom can open our eyes. To where we have ‘messed up in life.’ With a job, a relationship, or how we have tried to express our emotions. Looking back, we may cringe or laugh, because the ‘wise choice’ seems so obvious now. Yet, we still move forward and stumble over obstacles, time and again. And in doing so, we continue to feed our thoughts and emotions with the ‘struggle mindset’ – which results in behaviours that leave us feeling less wise than ever. Asking ourselves: Why did I fail again? Why did it not work out? When will I ever learn?
The good news is, we have an unlimited number of building blocks to ‘be wise.’ So the choices we make in life support an emotionally fulfilling and aligned life. Three building blocks are: Adaptability, Positivity, Simplicity. These building blocks build ‘Harmony.’ When we ongoingly stay adaptable, positive, and ‘keep it simple,’ harmony will arise inside; and it will give others enjoyment and safety. It feels like an anchor within oneself, and feeds good energy through you and out into the world. Becoming a beacon of light. From here, you are ‘yourself’ – just as you were before, but now living oriented toward wisdom, rather than being cautionary or adversarial. Anything that once was ‘conflict’ is now a welcome experience for harmony.
The first building block is ‘Adaptability.’ While writing my book Ace Egos, adaptability has been the most successful ingredient guiding me along, to let the workflow, well, flow. Literally. I have changed many concepts in my book, concepts I thought were indispensable. One of these is a concept I had named The Arc of the Ancients, but now it is called The Arc of Imagination. Imagination has always been the point of creation. Ancient or otherwise. Artists get to change their minds all the time. To make things ‘workable.’ Masterpieces are made by working around obstacles that would normally be considered ‘unworkable.’ Re-envisioning. So why can’t we be such artists in the everyday occurrences of ‘conflict?’
Workable Conflict
In this week of the Beyond Emotional Intelligence Course, we have investigated the idea of ‘Deficit-Based Behaviour.’ Where we allow our thoughts and emotions to self-fulfill a negative, or unwanted outcome in life. With ourselves, and with others. The more practical alternative to deficit-based behaviour in life is sustainable-based behaviour, where we only merely stay afloat. With this, things are going well, but on the inside we are still ‘waiting for it all to go wrong.’ Like we are walking on a tight-rope. Being a little more attentive, we can go infinitely further. Beginning with ‘being adaptable.’ Yes, with others, but more critically, with ourselves. With our fixed beliefs. Stirring a radical change in how we relate to life. Radically changing our approaches to our work and to our relationships.
Conflict generally arises from, and is negotiated, via our innate ‘survival instinct.’ We immediately detect, or predict, ‘danger.’ Our bodies, our nervous system, triggers this defensiveness in us. Defending ourselves from the danger. Emotional Intelligence – based on awareness, and developing new stories about ‘dangerous’ situations – gifts ourselves an internal environment that enables us to not ‘fight or flight’ – but to thrive. We can decide what is helpful to keep us from harm, while also not ‘taking the bait’ of the habit that focuses on negative, or disruptive interpretations of life. To not settle for the belief that ‘conflict is dangerous.’ Shifting this belief opens us to something enlightening – conflict is essential for connection. To co-create, to co-adapt.
The most simple, and perfect example of this, is the ‘Yes, and’ approach. Everyone has an opinion, a stance. To varying degrees dictated by their own stories and beliefs. So, let’s say someone communicates their piece in the conflict. The helpful response is to allow for:
- ‘Yes’ – this is their truth in this moment.
- ‘Yes’ – this is how I feel in response.
- ‘And’ – what can frame my understanding to also feel positive about myself?
- ‘And’ – how else can I take a ‘baby step’ toward something new, something fresh, alive, to how we both feel right now?
- This will always involve not trying to change what is happening in the conflict, but rather, doing something life-affirming. This might look like: Giving someone space, going for a walk, playing some music together, reading something from a book together, inviting others to share more about what’s challenging them in life right now. And the last one – a simple apology, and moving on. The apology clears the air – so a natural solution will surface shortly afterward, as life is being lived.
Dream Big, Rest Easy
Our styles of conflict may manifest from a place of insecurity, reinforcing harm in ourselves, and causing harm to others. An ‘attacking’ kind of behaviour. Next time there is an urge to respond from insecurity, it is a golden opportunity to see what makes you feel insecure. It most often has nothing at all to do with what you are in conflict with. In doing this, we begin, or progress along, the path of healing ourselves. The gift of conflict. We invite in a space. Rather than being narrowly squared in on the fight that we think we have to engage in. This space is where ‘imagination’ becomes our greatest support. If we can imagine a new possibility, we are ninety-percent of the way to making amazing changes in our lives.
Being ‘adaptable,’ ‘positive’ (especially with our own internal narrative), and ‘simple’ (not engaging in elaboration of thoughts and beliefs) turns conflict into moments of compassion. To help all parties arrive at greater clarity, creativity, and consciousness. To learn about this human condition. That is when we are suddenly wiser. This is where we first cross over into the frontier of how we wish we could live. How we wish we could be. The dreams we have – to be open, friendly, and loving people. We can dream big, and we can rest easy.
Whether what we are in conflict with responds to us or not, ultimately, we are instilling a more ‘at ease place’ in ourselves. And, without manipulation or grasping for control, we ‘lead by example.’ This is how we help others. They arrive at their own way of leading themselves. By taking the lead in navigating conflict that encourages personal growth. While also letting go of any idea that we will solve the ‘problem’ in us, or in our connection with others. To embody a simple truth that brings the greatest peace: that there is not even any ‘problem’ at all to begin with. This drops all ideas that we are ‘struggling in conflict.’ To instead be in collaboration with the naturally arising interplay of life. Giving us greater depth of understanding. Developing our wisdom that blends back into our Wisdom. Harmonious in everything. Harmonious in every way.
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