EI: Miraculous Change
Emotions and Mistakes
Building Emotional Intelligence is just like falling in love. Sometimes gradual, sometimes in an instant. Butterflies. Vulnerability. With this, comes the unavoidable trap of blunders, errors, and embarrassment. As you bound into another’s arms, you are bound to make a mistake or two. Overly positive Pop songs and Romantic Comedies tell us to ‘shake it off’ and ‘regain our stride.’ Unlike these little ‘pick me ups’ that whizz by in minutes; you can stay devoted to your own personal timeline of growth, progressing at your own pace. Over time, your stride will slowly become a little more bold, and a lot more aware. Those mistakes that you once had no control over, they will stop, jaw dropped, and admire you as you go. This has everything to do with the blossoming of one’s emotional capacity and agency.
Those sugary songs and films have not caught on. Nor have we as a society, really. About how misinformed we are in understanding emotions. This week, the Beyond Emotional Intelligence (BEI) Course has shown me the ‘Classical’ and ‘Constructed’ Views of Emotion. In years past, the world accepted the ‘Classical View’ as a very limited relationship we have with emotion. These days we are opening to the ‘Constructed View.’ In this, we can deconstruct; discover where we make mistakes; and reconstruct how we think, feel, and do. The brain and the ‘heart’ are more closely linked than we once thought. Which means, our perceptions and behaviours are able to undergo miraculous change, through conscious repatterning. We can make realignments thanks to our misalignments of interpretation, embodiment, and action. Or to put it less technically, ‘Mistakes are opportunities for learning.’
Looking a Little Closer
What can be more gloriously human than mistakes? Missight. Overlooking an opportunity for healing and growth while pushing toward the ‘more important’ goal. In the workplace, missight can make workers feel unappreciated, and it is a major disservice to the overall well-being of an organisation. If we were to deconstruct for a minute – what might seem a sideways step – we would pull out the piece that needs most tending to. And end up with a way forward. Not only to achieve the initial goal, but go beyond, into reconciliation and repair. Considering our time at work takes up one-third of our lives, a little effort into EI offers a freedom like no other.
Achieving this freedom entails getting out of the way of our own agenda, and understanding that others have emotional needs and personal challenges. EI will have us even falling in love with our work, because we step more emphatically into someone who is authentic, respected, and helping others rise to new heights. Work culture is personal culture. We are people. We have work goals, and they impact our identity. Personal, and interpersonal healing are magical keys to business success. An approach that never could have been dreamed up in sanitary team meetings and regimented project briefs.
To give an example, a situation calls for guiding a team member through a rough patch. Now, this becomes the current task of the project, and a necessary step that is placed within the project’s scope. There is an additional activity to engage in, to move the project forward, and just as importantly, to facilitate well-being for those who you, and everyone, are invested in. And perhaps most important of all, to set a positive example of leadership, which – it gets even better – instills nobility and self-respect within yourself. It brings an ironic bonus to business, as it saves time down the road, due to strengthening team cohesion while encouraging individuality. Everyone plays the perfect role when each person feels their role has a sense of purpose, and their belonging is truly felt.
Holding Hands
How do we navigate deconstruction and reconstruction of emotion? In BEI, we learn it is with Conscious Awareness. ‘Conscious Awareness’ unlocks the potential inside every stage of how emotions arise, as well as their impact. Awareness is always present. And when we are actually ‘conscious’ of it, we are using it to illuminate that which we have kept in the shadows. We are able to completely change the course of our lives.
With Conscious Awareness, mistakes are like gold. In treating them as such, they are welcome moments. Absolutely nothing to be afraid of. ‘Unlearning’ mistakes is the next step. And after that? – consistently living in the moment, making moves that are magnetic. Here are some of my methods:
- Pausing; being present; being outward - If I can stay relaxed, life will flow a lot easier. Noticing other people’s subtle communication cues. This widens the scope of my insight, nurturing healthy, fun and collaborative relationships.
- Emotions don’t feel so intense when I allow myself to make mistakes. I can also feel forgiving toward the mistakes of others. We all suffer unknowingly in this way. If I honour this in others, it strengthens honoring it in myself.
- The ‘Story’ of my ‘Self’ is more about who I am becoming. There is an excitement in ‘the becoming.’ Like a child. I actively choose emotions that make me feel excited about working on life skills, and curious about what is next to learn. Particularly when it comes to tedious tasks; I always ask myself ‘how can I make this moment more comfortable, more alive, more feeling of worth?’
When we participate in EI, we hold our own hand, and we feel our own love warm us up. Our mind and emotions have many interlinked components. Each link is like a hand, holding a sequence of cards. We are given these cards a little by chance, and a little by strategy. It is our state of mind that informs how we play our cards. If Conscious Awareness is present in EI, how can there ever be a mistake or missight? We are always at our greatest potential, which increases without limits. This is clear-sightedness. The mistakes make us see clearer, and we are more confident. We suddenly have a whole playground of opportunity. Our sight becomes our strength – and that enables us to be acutely perceptive, adaptable, and self-supportive. Who knows – soon enough we might have Pop songs and Rom Coms passionately broadcasting the Constructed View of emotion?
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