EI: Story Builds Emotion
I Put a Spell on Me
In skill-building, there is grace. At some stage there will be a realisation that we are no longer thinking, we are being. Then the ego says ‘God, I’m good’ and we fall on our faces. This fall needs to be received with humour, and of course, time for recovery and reflection. But what of that magnetic moment that you caught a glimpse of? Wasn’t it so pleasurable? What if the ‘practice’ in getting to ‘perfect’ can also have that feeling to it? Placing you in the throes of growth, and sweeping you off your feet – in a good way.
Any of our Emotional Intelligence developments need to work with real raw data – to have real impacts on ourselves. That’s where real life comes in. Emotions signal to us how much we want something. To drive us toward accomplishment. If we hold our wants lightly while also pursuing them with relaxed consistency, there is a natural success – outwardly and inwardly. The visceral experience of real life is indispensable for refining emotional responses, which inspires and supports living with intention. No more of it ‘just happening’ to us.
When it comes to intentional real life, small actions every day are vital. Initiating small action is even more vital. It is a kind of ‘behavioral activation.’ Just initiating some action, even if it is not something we ‘want’ to do at that moment. Some days I feel introverted, but I follow an inner-voice that wants me to meet new people. Time that I invest in myself increases my self-worth. As does spending time with others. To learn about others. To break through social barriers and develop my own patterns that are conducive to amusement, community, connection, and intimacy.
Identity and Expression
A good conversation, dance, business development, or relationship is led by someone first. Initiating. This leading can be about what we say or do – but just as crucial – about what we don’t say or do. It is better energy management, and it creates a sense of mystery. ‘Wanting more’ keeps us engaged with a film, reading a book, and waking up tomorrow to learn more about life. Just doing enough, but appearing consistently. What if this enticement was applied to the ‘project of ourselves?’ From ourselves?
It can feel like you are being led into the romance of a story … Just. Getting. Out. There … Into the world. Training for a fight. Preparing a presentation. Expanding your network. Being led by a relaxedness. On the surface it may appear to be hard work, but the relaxed undercurrent draws you in deeper, safer, and clearer. You meet people and find opportunities easier. You interact with a natural rhythm. With openness to others, and with measured self-dignity. Suspending the ego that will often say ‘I can’t do this.’ Rather, believing a greater energy blissfully pulls you into action. Who said everyday doing can’t be sexy?
The Beyond Emotional Intelligence (BEI) Course describes our ‘MindBody Map’ – containing ‘Four spheres of influence.’ Two of these spheres are Self-expression and Self-identity. Self-expression is our unique presentation of the ego. Self-identity is our ‘personal culture’ and story. When we allow small action to just happen to us every day, we are challenging and expanding our Self-expression and Self-identity. From here, we might experience new emotions – heightened self-love, yet also greater care for others, knowing how ‘stuck’ people can feel. We may even feel resistance, because parts of us don’t want to become ‘unstuck.’ Paying attention to emotional responses and refining choices helps to see our own truth.
Keep It Easy
It takes surrendering to the initiation of action, to motivate change. Sustaining change comes from the two other spheres in BEI’s MindBody Map: Relationships and Social-identity. This is where the hard work we put into ourselves reveals itself.
Exposure is the first step. Or, if you can, a full-blown immersion. A ‘Hero’s Journey’ approach for a few days or weeks, where there is no turning back. Venturing into the unknown. This is amazing for rapid growth. Then leveling out. We have worked on various projects of our lives, and projects of our ‘inner world.’ We step into the outer world, wide-eyed and alive. Then we return with more humanness, or ‘nature-ness’ – to put back into our work. I often do this with writing, and the development of wisdom and skill is immense. The work informs the world that informs the work. And of course, we take rest. The resting really feels like a ‘well-deserved rest.’ It is important to make ‘exposure’ a commitment that is manageable and achievable. Just going beyond your comfort zone. Then rest. And stay mindful to practice it often.
A popular belief we like to idealise is ‘love just happens, we shouldn’t have to try.’ Falling in love is seductive and hypnotic. What we have done with skill-building, employing a hypnotic diligence, no longer forcing passion, making tedium and exposure a place where we grow, doing enough of it to want more – is just like falling in love. But we are aware of it. We can regulate emotions. We can play with identity and expression. With social encounters, our emotional intelligence is as present as the purple shirt we are wearing. We are now the master of flexibility, enthusiasm, and control. Like a piano melody drifting on a wisp of wind through a forest, echoes of the birds behind us, beams of sunlight before us.
This is the enchantment of our story. Story builds emotion. The emotion draws us to life and life to us. And, the story is never perfected. We don’t have to be celebrated masters to be story-tellers. At any time we can let all techniques and formalities go, and be our beautiful selves, interacting with the world in our own beautiful way. Being effortless. Allow permission to be granted to you and see what happens. What you say and do will be surprising. And there’s always room for mistakes – because you are the master of what you do. As you go forth, adhere to staying present. Keep it simple. In living your own story, it writes itself upon the pages – as you live it with courageous magnificence. You have become the book that you most want to read.
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